


The Inescapable Bouquet and Garter Catalyst

by H_eather



Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: F/M, Season/Series 04, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-06 06:22:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14050851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/H_eather/pseuds/H_eather
Summary: When Penny recieves a phone call from Mrs Cooper asking when she and 'Shelly' are coming up, she finds she isn't the only one unamused at her lack of knowledge about Missy's wedding. Sheldon isn't too happy about his plan getting foiled either.[Takes place in Season 4. Pre-Shamy, pre-wedding etc., so AU if you are up to date seasons wise.]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys it's my first Big Bang Theory fic so I apologise for any ooc. Takes off during season 4.  
> I love the show, love the cast and love shenny! But unfortunately do not own the characters or show.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Thoughts  
> "Speech"

**Chapter 1: the phonecall**

Roll the credits

…and it all started with a big bang… BANG!

Knock, knock, knock  
"Penny"  
Knock, knock, knock  
"Penny"  
Knock, knock, knock  
"Penny"

Frowning at the silence he raised his fist to start over.

Knock, knock, knock  
"Sheldon"

Jerking at the fist hitting his shoulder he turned scowling,

"Pe-"

Knock, knock, knock  
"Sheldon"  
Knock, knock, knock  
"Sheldon", she finished with a smug grin.

Pushing the dainty fist off his chest he glowered,  
"Really Penny was there any need to..."

"Sheldon" she groaned,

"…although with what one might call and I quote 'your intellect' or rather lack of it, it hardly surprises me that you might mistake, I dare say one of your own your kind as a door."

Tirade over Sheldon looked at Penny curiously. There she stood crossing her arms, with the expression of a cat that just got the cream. A feral smirk.  
Usually she would be throwing her own tantrum by now.

He slowly backed up clutching an arm under his jaw for fear of her going junior rodeo on him; she on the other hand followed him until she had to crane her head upwards to see his face.

"Aww honey that's so sweet, you've upgraded me to homo novus" she sang, and proceeded to poke him on the nose.

Flinching he jerked back.

"Homo Novus?" he drawled, Texan accent flaring. With a knowing look he continued,

"Penny. I myself have an IQ of 187-"

"-You're the beautiful genius, why don't you use that epidermy memory thingy…"

"Epidermy memory thingy?" hackles raised he bent towards Penny, "The term is Eidetic Memory, one that you clearly have never and will never obtain. Eidetic stems from the…"

Drowning him out, she waved one hand in surrender, the other to search in her pockets

"…the cognitive memory-"

Getting bored quickly she interjects.

"Okay, okay, I get it. I'm lower than your mighty specie. Now, can you move? I have a date"

Jangling her keys in his face, he frowns but side steps, barely leaving her enough space to unlock the door.

-Whackadoodle.

"Penny, I asked with whom are you having coitus with tonight"

Door open she turns with a sigh,

"Date. I said a date Sheldon."

"Yes," He drawls, "I said that, but with whom? Surely not Leonard as your well aware he's unavailable."

"With a bottle Sheldon. A bottle of wine. Now goodbye!"

And with that she slams the door on him.

…...

Lying in the bath with a tall glass of her 'date' Penny let the bubbles soothe away her tension- or tried to.

She kind of felt bad for slamming the door on Sheldon earlier, but her shift at work was not the happiest, and Sheldon mentioning Leonard certainly hadn't made her feel any better.

Especially when Leonard and his reason for being unavailable had strolled into the cheesecake factory.

Priya. Hanging all over him like she was stuck to him.

Urgh, it had been hard, very hard not to drop the salad no garnish, no cheese, no fat on the floor of the kitchen before serving.

An evil smile graced her feature at the thought of giving Priya floored food.

But no Penny doesn't stoop to such school girl levels, unlike Miss Priya. No, even after being congratulated on this day being her 4th year at the cheesecake factory, and asked how the acting was going and whether she was going to diet to give her a better chance of getting a role…

Swigging the rest of the wine down she sinks back into the bubbles.

Screw them.

…...

Lurching out of the now cold bubbles Penny frantically looked about.

-Beep –Beep

Ahh her phone, that's what had woke her.

After pulling out the plug she reached for her towel and flipped open her phone.

"Hello?"

"Hallo there Penny, this is Sheldon's mama. You remember me don'tcha?"

Fumbling for the phone Penny wondered why Sheldon's mom was ringing her. Was it closing the door on him earlier? Surely that deserved a strike not a phone call? That little whackadoodle, she was going to go all out junior rodeo on his ass.

Jerking her towel around her she replied.

"Of course Mrs Cooper! Are you alright?"

"Why yes dearie, I'm quite fine. A bit tired because of the goings on and all but very excited! Now I'm just ringing to see when you and Shelly are gonna be here so I can get your rooms ready. Of course I'm not gonna let y'all stay in a motel when you can both stay at his mama's.

"WHAT?" Penny all but screeched, reaching for the now dropped phone.

"Ah Penny dear, Missy's wedding. You an' Shelly are both coming down on Friday and staying the weekend for it."

At Penny's silence Mary Cooper's voice began to get higher pitch and quicker.

"-That boy didn't tell you nothin' did he?"

"No, he didn't" Penny grudgingly replied, storming through her apartment.

"Me and Missy suspected he wouldn't come. Say he'd have experiments to do, and things to prove, but its own twin for crying out loud. And as you for, well we know he'd feel more comfortable with your friendly face and of course me and Missy love ya'll to bits, and his memaw wanted to see you again; to catch up and share stories on Shelly. The Lord above may have blessed me with a genius, but you have to be a genius to understand him. Ain't that right Penny?"

"Yes maam" She drawled her own Nebraskan roots coming through.

"One minute honey, let me try him"

Penny nodded to the phone and stormed across to 4A, slamming her fist against the door.

Knock, knock, knock  
"SHELDON"

Knock, knock, knock  
"SHELDON"

Knock, knock, knock  
"SHELDON"

Hearing Mrs Cooper's voice again she pushed the phone against her ear.

The door remained shut.

"He's not answering his phone Penny"

"Oh I can do one better" Penny growled,

She wrenched the door open.

"SHEEELDOOOON!"

"Good lord" he muttered running out of his bedroom. Soon to stop in the middle of the living room to glare at Penny.

"Penny! Why are you in my apartment?"

His voice getting higher and higher,

"PENNY! Why are you just in a towel? Are you wet? Penny you can't be dripping in my apartment…"

Strolling up to him she put the phone to his ear.

"It's your mom."

Looking visibly ashen he reached up and held the phone himself.

"Mom?"


	2. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of an out of the blue call from Mary leaves an angry Penny and a smug Sheldon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thanks to those who read the first chapter and for the kudos- I was shocked! 
> 
> Thank you to the lovely randmrule for commenting! :)
> 
> I do apologise for any mistakes, grammar, punctuation or character wise.
> 
> As for this chapter, Sheldon may seem out of character but when watching TBBT I noticed that when situations arise concerning his mom, Memaw and of course Penny, he tends to act a bit out of character.
> 
> Enjoy anyhow!

 

…

Penny was anxious- not only had she walked her anger off 20 minutes ago, but she had been locked inside Sheldon's apartment.  
Of course during her earlier rampage she had forgotten her key, and the cause of this situation had locked himself in his own room so she couldn't get the emergency key.

_Wanting retribution by hearing Sheldon's mom giving him an earful she had decided to stay and listen, but when it became apparent she wasn't going to leave and he certainly wasn't going to physically remove her ( especially not in her current attire), he had glared and ran off to his bedroom._

Ergo Penny was stuck wearing a towel in the idiot physicist's apartment and had been for the past 40 minutes.

_Surely the scolding couldn't have been going on for this long?_

Leaning against the door again, she tried to make out the hushed words…

… Until the door was ripped open.

She jerked back from the door and slowly drew her eyes up.

Standing in the doorway, hands gripping the doorframe so tightly his knuckles were white, there was no question at all that Sheldon Cooper was angry.  
Eyes drifting to his face, she let out a breath.

He had never looked so furious.

His piercing stare locked onto her and held her gaze, unwavering and so predatory, that Penny found herself looking away.

"I believe congratulations are in order, Penny." He drawled, voice rougher and more Texan than normal.

Surprised at his tone she looked up, soon wishing she hadn't when she saw that fake joker smile plastered across his face. The smile, teamed with the dark eyes and his meaningful step towards her rang her alarm bells.  
_Oh God she had done it. She had broke Sheldon._

Stumbling backwards and out of the hall she tried to get distance between herself and the nutjob; she'd clearly pushed him too far this time, and he needed time to reset to his default factory settings.  
Thinking back to when Leonard previously used to keep her key, Penny ran to the bowl by the front door begging that it would be there, and swore blind when her fingers closed around the metal key.

Jerking 4A's door open she strode over to her own door in a panic trying to get the key in the right way, which wasn't helped when she heard Sheldon's voice.

"It's rather ironic that we find ourselves in a similar position to a few hours ago don't you think?  
Especially when all you needed to do back then to avoid this situation now was to simply turn around and listen to me." Hearing him approach she purposely ignored him. "And yet here we are now, and after listening to my Mom rattle on for 40 minutes and because of you, I might add, I find myself with a severe migraine…and a dislike for ill-tempered neighbours." He hissed near her ear.

Flustered Penny shifted so she could yell directly into his face but was even more ruffled when she realised how close he was. Mr Don't-come-closer-than-a-metre-and-half had stood so close that she could feel the rising of his chest for his heavy breathing- neither clearly a good sign for the emotionless robot man.

"You realise this is all your fault Penny? If you hadn't of slammed the door on me earlier none of this would of happened," he stormed on, "Your lack of intelligence and wit often astounds me but usually your social awareness is of an average level. I was clear in every way earlier that I had something of upmost importance to discuss with you, but instead you act like a child. Lord knows why any man let alone Leonard would wish to date someone as bipolar and idiotic as yourself." He snarled.

Anger flaring at the snide comment and at the hurt she felt at his words Penny found herself growling whilst forcefully poking his chest with the hand that didn't contain the stupid keys, "Okay Mister Genius, its clearly my fault for not telling my neighbour that it is my sister's wedding and the fact that she was invited to it. Not only did I not tell her that I had already agreed to the both of us going, but that it was this Saturday. On a final note, I guess it would have been best to add in a warning not to answer any phone calls off the family, because I have no intention of actually going to my own twins wedding." Staring at him defiantly she smiled and finished with a hand slamming against his chest, "Oh wait, it's your twins wedding and all your own stupid big mess!"

His eyes darkened.

Acting out of sheer frustration and desperation he retaliated.

Grabbing her bare shoulders he forced her backwards against the door and muttered softly, "I don't think you understand Penny. We've got to go to Missy's wedding. Memaw... I've upset Memaw."

Bewildered at his slender fingers clutching her bare skin she was lost for words.  _Since when was Sheldon so …masculine? And so Fragile?_

"I can't I have work" fell from her lips. And she found her hand that was still pressed against his chest had gently been patting him to placate him.

His fingers tightened around her shoulders before slowly releasing one's hold to retrieve a cell phone from his pocket. Penny glanced down to his hand, it was her cell phone.

Upon seeing where her attention had drifted to Sheldon held out the device to her, "I think you'll find that you don't have work from today, 'being Wednesday' until Tuesday's evening", he smirked, "So you see Penny, you are completely free to come to Texas."

"You can't be serious Sheldon! You can't have just cancelled all of my shifts for a week."

"I think you'll find I did", he drawled.

Clearly not believing him and not having the patience to wait for his iconic 'Bazinga' she snatched the phone from him and proceeded to dial the Cheesecake factory.

"Yeah hello Mandy, it's Penny. I was just wondering what time my next shift is?" She pointedly stared at Sheldon who was now leaning back and crossing his arms with a knowing, anticipatory look.

Upon Mandy's next words she tore her gaze away from him, focusing on the phone; "What do you mean I have no shifts for a week?"  
"A personal emergency?" covering the phone with a hand she hissed, "You told them I had a personal emergency that would leave me emotionally unable to work for at least a week?

He shrugged and started to speak before Penny's attention was redirected to the phone.  
"Yes everything will be alright Mandy, I just didn't want you all worrying" she said grudgingly.

"He said that, did he… yes he is very sweet isn't he?" she smiled painfully, "Thanks Mandy, I will. Bye."  
Snapping her cell-phone closed she turned to Sheldon, who clearly already knew where this was headed.

"So apparently my sweet, sweet boyfriend rang up and told my manager that I had to have a week off because of a personal situation."  
-Silence  
"This situation happens to be me suffering from depression and becoming rundown from being a failure of an actress and still being a waitress 5 years down the line. And so I need to go back home to 'stabilise' myself.  
They think I'm having a midlife crisis and…- Christ Sheldon. Couldn't you have thought of something less dramatic?"

"Well it's based on physical facts; you are still a waitress, and yet to be involved in a  _paid_  acting job. Besides, some time off would be favourable towards you, and I'm sure I mentioned that in times of emotional emergencies , having worked there for so long, the time you have off to deal with it is is of course paid."

"No, she didn't" Penny muttered.  
"Then I don't see why you have any reason to be angry with me. I did literally get you a paid holiday." He gloated.  
"But how did  _you_  get my shifts cancelled? At the factory you have to go in, in person and request it off."

"I simply told them I was Sheldon, your Tuesday 'Barbecue bacon cheeseburger, barbecue sauce, bacon and cheese on the side' regular customer, and upon hearing of my concern over your well-being and doubts over your ability to further carry out my order I drew conclusion that either Mandy should serve me from now on, or you should receive time off."

"They think you're my boyfriend Sheldon."

"Do they now?" he paused, "Perhaps I overestimated Mandy's intelligence?"  
"-or underestimated my own acting ability" he added upon seeing Penny's sharpened look.

"Okay Sheldon" crossing her arms over her own chest she met his gaze, "before I consider agreeing to this, is there anything,  _anything_  at all I need to know?"

"Why yesss" he drawled.

"What?"

"That's not your apartment key."


End file.
